Sketch

My secret nickname for myself is Sketch.

It’s a beautiful day! Gray, heavy, still, humid, quiet.. my typing is the perfect accent to it all. Also this green viney plant thing growing in front of me. And this wine glass half-full of water. Soft, lukewarm water.

I don’t have anything important to blog about, but I did have one lil’ seed of a thought that I thought might grow once I started typing about it. Typing, man. Does something to my brain. Stimulates it. That’s what it does.

People are always giving advice. Giving wisdom. Giving opinions. Giving whatever they have. They value it, so they assume I’ll value it. Sometimes, actually the majority of the time, I totally do. Perspective is the, um, middle-stabilizing-piece to the see-saw of life. Keeps everybody guessing, but at least steady. At least, that’s my perspective (you see?!).

Something I find myself doing more often these days is ASKing for perspective. At first it felt absolutely wrong. “I don’t need someone else’s take on life, I’d bETTer be able to do life on my own, because I’ll never know anybody is trustworthy for sure!” She said. It’s just lousy though, trudging through time only looking for a place to insert your truth. Everybody’s doing it, but nobody’s really interested in anybody else’s truth. We all just want to be right. And for everybody to know it.

But I don’t know.

And neither do you.

So.. perspective. Asking what you see, over there from beHiNd the elephant, will give me a better understanding of what the elephant might look (and act, sound, smell, taste– ew) like. So why not? I can never be in your shoes. I can never really know what that side of the elephant is like, so even if you’re blind, deaf, dumb, paralyzed, can’t smell, or are a straight-up liar– what’s the harm going to be?

None. So the next obvious question (in my head) is, but why? What’s the point? Why should I? I’d been thinking about this for a few months recently, and then one day last week, some random schmoe (teehee) asked me, ME, point-blank, my personal perspective on a thing. Actually a number of things. And I’ve been halfway between bewildered and sobbing ever since. The reason, I think, that honestly desiring to hear and understand other peoples’ perspectives is important– at least in my own life– is that it connects us. A bond of sorts is created there, that just. feels. right. No matter if it’s reciprocated or even scorned. When I earnestly desire another human being’s “light” as the Bible calls our eyes– in a certain.. weird, don’t-read-too-much-into-this way, we are “one.” And I like that. It makes me like people I wouldn’t normally like. It makes me like me too. In a good way.

Hm.

In other news, I have three new friends. And I like them all so much. One especially.

In other news, I am losing touch with The Andy Griffith Show. Several times this week I’ve had the perfect situation posed to me to throw a quote in, and I could. not. remember the quote. I’m getting angsty about this. Probably need to start watching it again.

In other news,  I’m going to the doctor Monday. And am mildly tremulous at the thought.

In other news, I’m taking a sabbatical after the doctor gets out of me on Monday.

In other news, I miss kittens.

In other news, I have a friend in Jesus.

That’s all, folks!

Dear Dowry,

I always think that line when I’m journaling. I wonder where it came from. I wonder from whence it came.

WELL. It’s been an exCiTiNG few weeks, to be sure! So much going on, so many steps taken! So much fruit! So much Life! Everything seems to be MOViNG for the first time in AGES. Not really though. I always feel that way, but when I stop and really think about it, it really has been a process to get here; lots of little steps, lots of preparation, lots of armor and training and patience. I feel like a soldier who’s been wounded big time in battle (his fault? Enemy’s fault? Little of both?), and has had to spend a hefty amount of time in recovery. As soon as my brain started working, I figured I could get up ‘n head into battle again, but as soon as I stepped out of bed, I realized that my body was going to need a while to heal itself. So I just had to LAY in BED for EONS. Man. Recovery kinda sucks. Regardless, I feel now like I’m practically back to normal! Got some scarring, got some less-than-toned spiritual muscles, but BOY have I got some patience and some WiSDOM now. Not about to make the same mistakes I made in battle last time..

So I’m making four flower girl dresses for my friend Ashley’s wedding in a couple of weeks. I made two similar to these a couple of months ago, so you’d think I’d have a little more guts for these.. but no. I had a lot of gusto!– buying the fabric and notions, but now that I’m sitting in front of it (literally, it’s all over me right now), I’m experiencing a deluge of fear about the whole thing. I know I can do it. I know I can do it well (enough). I even have (conveniently) a portfolio piece to prove it. I think what’s terrifying to me right now is the foundational idea I’ve been building on (where these dresses are concerned); namely, that a relatively large part of the satisfaction of the bride on her wedding day depends.. ON YOURS TRULY. Me. In a small sense, I am the center of the universe. Is this true? (I just burst into a fit of sputtering giggles inside my head.) Please, God, no.

Every good and perfect gift comes from above. I’ve been graced with a talent. I can use that for the glory of the Giver, or by claiming ownership over it, I can beat it into what I want it to look like, taking the Life right out of it. It SURE IS a FACT that whenever I find myself thinking I’m “all that” with my MULTiple, AWEsome, GLORious talents and giftings (law..), the spark of life in them starts to fade. There’s no joy in using them. They become a burden. And I put them on the shelf. But when I go to the Giver, and collapse in His arms.. His tendency has been to JOLT my heart, mind, soul, will, and gifts with a peaceful, eternal power. Mmm. Peaceful, eternal power. That’s it. Siiiigh.

Well, that was a good little pep talk to myself. I think I may just be ready to tackle these little poofs. They’re going to be sO CUTE!! There’s just not a lot more lovely to look at than a six year old girl enjoying her own beauty. SQUEEZY!!!

Sometimes, Artists Should Not Display Their Artwork

I mean, there’s a time and a place for everything. For displaying an artistic expression of your hideous, horrible, depressed, miserable, disgusting feelings, that time and place should be somewhere that fits. Like in a gutter, in Las Vegas, while it’s raining, softly, monotonously.

Backpackers walkin’ by. Sitting at Java, my computer’s sitting on a piece of lace and my mouse is sitting on a mousepad with a kitten on it.. lookin’ all cute and curious. My neck hurts like I watched an air show yesterday, but all I did was be awesome and enjoy awesomeness, all around me. Yesterday night was Britta’s house concert, to raise money for her trip to the rainforest in Cameroon. She’s going to help a family, who are there help the Baka people. We had a talk a few weeks ago about helping people. Oxygenating people. Or rather, the body. Or rather, the Body.

It’s raining! Coolin’ thangs down. The mango-flesh-colored store-front out there is makin’ me happy inside. Especially contrasted with the red brick above it, and the Grandma-teal in here. I’m in Java. I already said that. Today, I’m going to go buy some things that I need. And then I’m going to do laundry at Mom and Dad’s. And then I’m going to see my cousin get married. At a farm. I wonder if I’ll be tempted to buy a new dress. I wonder why I wrote that last sentence, because I was already tempted about twelve seconds before I wrote it. What am I even sAYiNG? I’m tempted to buy a new dress every time I see a dress I’m not wearing! Wow.

I’m right under a vent, and have chill-bumps all over my body. I’m wearing a very short skirt. WEll, “very” in my book isn’t all that. It’s still pretty short. I’m uncomfortable. There’s a boy here wearing bell-bottoms. Directly, directly, directly from 1975. He has also greased his hair. And his eyes are uncontrollable-blue. I want him to be my date to the wedding. But I am not going to ask him, because he probably would do it. And I don’t really want him to.

Brain-streaming. These are the things I think all the time. Here’s some more: Cuss. I should move. It’s just too cold here. It’ll go off in a second. Just wait. Good things come to thems that wait on da Lord. Don’t be disrespectful when you talk about God. He hears your thoughts. I’ll be disrespectful whenever the cuss I want to, wench. Carla. Please. Calm down. You calm down. No, you. No, you. You. You. You! You! You infinity. Cuss.

Okay. What do I need from da sto’. I need:
a new dress (NO!, no I don’t. CARLAAAAA.)
wart-remover (you just said that on a public blog. are you okay?)
another panel of lace curtains (do you really need that?)
a curtain rod for nook (yes.)
either canvases or big ol’ slabs of plywood
more earrings (Carla.)
typewriter ribbon (YES!)
flowers for window-box (can’t you just steal some from somewhere?)
that boy sitting over there (OH my goodness..)
that boy over there (you don’t need more than one!!?)
carpenter’s pencils (what?)
fishing lures

Oh yeah, that reminds me. I was informed the other day, that fishing lures are inTENSELy complicated little things– which I knew!– but what I didn’t know, is that the COLors are intensely complicated. Like, intensely. So I got this great art project in my head involving them. I wonder how much they cost. Hm. That could be an issue.

Okay, this has been such a ridiculously boring blog. I’m just going to stop now.

Oh my gosh

I have no idea what I’m doing. Somebody should give me a tutorial, this is blowing my mind.. better yet, I should just leave quietly the way I came..

Help??

How do I do this blogroll thing? I need more than just Anna Laura on there..

WHY?

The Stone Cup, Chattanooga, Tennessee

..don’t interesting people talk to each other when they’re by themselves in a coffee shop? We all know we want to. You know you want to. That’s right. You. You six foot three BUILT young man with an mac, sitting cross-legged on that chair, drinking your pint and looking over at me every few minutes. YOU want to talk to me. I want to talk to YOU. WHY?? doesn’t it ever happen? And what about YOU?! You five foot eleven moderately built art-school-looking tattooed young barista?? Why don’t YOU talk to me? Why don’t I talk to YOU? Hey hey hey, YOU’re not getting off that easy. Just because you’re a girl and we live in a culture where it’s now officially considered “coming on” to someone, if a girl initiates conversation with another girl– does NOT let you off the hook. You should talk to me. Because there’s a comPLETELy healthy, wonderful, potential-ridden CHEMistry between us!! I should talk to you. We should be friends. You should be one of my bridesmaids when I marry that fellow over there.

Oh. Disgusted at why kids my age don’t have the git-up’n-go to meet each other and be friends. Why? WHY?? WAAAAHAAAY?!?!!??!?!!!!!!

“Take it easy!”

I’m so busy. It’s really unhealthy. But at least I have a plan of action. Would you like to hear it?

1. Keep not doing Facebook so much– allow 30 minutes of “goof-off” once back on,
2. Set up mint.com account, so as to implement eventual “on paper-on purpose” financial plan for life,
3. Stop going out at night, as it sucks time, money, and energy away from things which are truly rewarding,
4. Start putting money, time, and energy into a few (A FEW) things which are Carlaesque, and replenish soul,
5. Read Bible EVERy morning (will be much more feasible once #3 is consistent pattern),
6. Cut back on hours at Cafe, and
7. Smile more.

Real quick before I clock in for the second time today, wanted to put this down somewhere before I forgot. A stocker came into the Cafe this morning and said to me as he was leaving, “Take it easy!” And suddenly I HEARD that phrase for the first time in my ENTiRE LIFE (seriously). It dawned on me that.. geez, just so much of the time, I’m making this life and this world, and these interactions within it– GOD. I mean, really, I just take this whole thing WAY too seriously. Take it easy.. be soft. Be malleable, chill the flip out. EVERYthing has been taken care of already. Just do what you can, and leave the rest up to the Creator, Sustainer, Lover, and Lord of your soul. :) E’erything’s jeeeeeest fine! :D

Love. All. BEENK! [:)

I Say, I Say, I Say!

Things you should know about me!–

1. My best Scrabble word so far is “quadplex,” for 84 points, and my highest scoring game is 415,
2. I dance like a child, or some kind of rabid animal,
3. I listen to traditional Irish music while I make dresses and write blog posts,
4. I have no idea how to operate a blog,
5. If you don’t know me, don’t judge me for living with a boy,
6. I sleep with my baby blanket every. single. night, and
7. I don’t get out much.

Quote of the day!

“‘One only understands the things that one tames,’ said the fox. ‘Men have no more time to understand anything. They buy things all ready made at the shops. But there is no shop anywhere where one can buy friendship, and so men have no friends any more. If you want a friend, tame me…’”

Antoine de Saint-Exupery, The Little Prince

M! On a similar note, it is no one’s obligation or responsibility but MINE to take care of my time properly, BUT it’s a true and rare friend who sees you suffering from too much to do, and gives you the space generously, without moaning and complaining. Friends are rare, indeed. Friends who pay attention– who LISTEN– are practically nonexistent. In my experience.

Anyway. Speaking of friends, here are a few pictures.

That there is Chad Cox. He’s a dear.

A true “pub” picture, I think. Sometimes I just really, really like a good ol’ grainy photo. These guys are Jake, Poe, and Chad. Funny, sweet, and adorable boys.

And of course, these are two of my favorites. Amanda and Alyssa. Sweeties, Amazons, Women. :)

It’s Rachel! Rachel Cox. No relation to Chad. Oh, and there’s Poe. He kind of sets the whole photo.. I like this one.

It’s Corinne! Playing the guitar on my back porch. :)

The sun’s going down and I don’t remember what Corinne was doing here.. maybe impersonating a song. Yeah, I think that was it.

Well, anyway.. I’m bored now. Think I’m going to change out of my work clothes and organize my room a little more. :)

The Sky Was Black As Ink

Wow, it’s seriously like totally the most gorgeous morning in the whole entire universe. Sorta. Yes, Spring is by far, by….. ffff-AR: my aBsoLute favorite season in this calendar. Wowie. The weather, after what this Winter brought, feels like.. ehhhh… like.. ehhhh… ehhh… EH!!!!– no words. No words.

Funny!– how– wait, no it’s not funny at all– Odd!– how obnoxiously present and aware I am during the most insufferable moments of time, and how much I live in the future– expecting the ground to crumble under my feet– during really pleasant times. And THAT was a really obnoxious sentence. But seriously, why is that? I guess pain (seventeen degrees Fahrenheit) MAKES you focus on “NOW.” Like, self-preservation mode (ohhh cutie smokin’ a pipe and eight o’clock in the morning, how adorable..); and contentment somehow relieves that need (everything’s fine! Nothing needs fixing!). So maybe my mind automatically wants to “go back” to the last place I was “present.”  ::that makes sense::

So pe’haps I’ll do an experiment today. Today is a good day. Only four engagements (oh lord), and no deadlines. It should be a pretty soft day. Days like these I’m usually able to relax. Especially if the weather’s good. Like right now. But I hear it’s supposed to storm. Which would be even better. They. Jus’. Ain’. NOTHin’. Like a good storm. Right, so my experiment: I b’lieve I’ll try out this idea, of attempting to be present, even when I don’t need to be. See where that gets me. Who knows, I might end up getting the opportunity to do something really great. Or I might end up noticing things I didn’t necessarily want to. We shall see.

Blahblahblah.

Bob Law’s Law Blog.

Good gracious, so many young professionals out here. I’m on Market Square. Was going to be working on a design this morning, but they sent me the wrong file to incorporate into it (I’m already done with the basic design; just needed one element from them), so I’m just chillin’ here on the patio of Cafe 4, waiting for 8:45 to roll around. I so rarely sit out here. It’s actually incredibly pleasant! Feels like I’m in another city. But that could totally be the weather, the yellow-green pavement (pollen-time!), and the fact that I’m BEING PRESENT! Ha-ha! >:D

I love the “new city” feeling. Breaks my heart and puts it back together in a completely different order. Wow. That’s really.. exactly what it feels like. What a perfect analogy. Sometimes I just blow myself away.

Oh boy. I get to see Mattie and Hannah tonight. And then tomorrow I get to meet with my web master, Leo (check out my new website: www.carlaesque.com). And then Friday I get to have dinner with the FAM! And THEN Saturday I get to have dinner at a freakin’ MANsion! I just am really liking life right now. AAAAand it’s about time to go to my other job. Yay. Present. Present. Present.

Waah..

i miss facebooks.